I’ve taking my sleeping meds and I’m about to rant. So hopefully this is coherent because you have no idea how hard it is to type much less spell when you taken 4.5mg of Lunesta. No, Mom I’m really not trying to kill myself, how would I be able to visit you if I did? But Mom is a worrier of sorts. Back to the movies. Starts at 6:30. Get in about 10 minutes early, they play at least 15min of infomercials about cell phones, texting and finding the exits. The the trailers start. SPOILER ALERT: All the movies coming out this summer are going to suck. Trust me. I sat through at least 30 min of trailers. Yes, over 30 min of trailers. Movies about kids who are demi-gods. I thought I was the only one. WTF? That’s MY movie. I should be in it. Then some movie about a russian defecting who blows the cover on some CIA agent who is going to kill the President which OMG hold your breath, happens to be the same chick who is trying to get info out of him. Another spy movie, awesome!!!! gag me. Then Jackie Chan is going to be a spy that babysits. Did Van Damne or Van Diesel or Van someone do this already. Get the little kids into it, sort of a cross between that kid who’s parents left him at home when they went to Europe for Christmas and Agent Cody and blah blah blah. Maybe it’s just blah b/c everyone knows I LOOOOOVE kids. All three of them, wait, my bad, I’m up to loving 4. That’s a 25% increase in the love I’m handing out. HUGE. Better get in line folks if you want some loving and bring your ID just in case 😉
Lets see, oh seems heaven and hell are fighting again, imagine that, Gaberial against Lucifer, someone enlists the townsfolk to help. Tom Cruise is going to be in one when he manages to flip and denotate a van with a hand gun. Please hollywood stop with the shooting cars and blowing them up. Typically all you get is a leaky radiator, some busted up belts, windows, headlamps and some holes in the doors. Try getting my fleet department to approve that repair. I can see it now, after getting transferred to 4 people only to end up with the one I started with. Oh it’s you again. Fleet: Yes, but before I wasn’t in my adjuster capacity, but was in my referral capacity. Um well about my car, you know the one that got shot and blew up. Fleet: Could you please walk me through that again. Me: WTF are you BCBS insurance all over? Fleet: excuse me. and on and on, only to get an email 3 days later. “we are sorry to inform you, that your car will not be repaired while you are driving it. When it comes to order and recieve a new car please turn it in as is. Swell, I’ll drive my shot up, blown up, dented pos for 15k more no worries.
Is it too much to ask for realistic movies? You know the kind where when people shoot at other people, they actually die. Really, how can an entire SWAT team miss shooting a chick running in circles? Or how good is the good guy that he can use 1 magazine to take down 45 people? His mag only holds 23 rounds. He is that good! Is it to much to ask for a little realism. What dude with military training is going to organize a full frontal assault? Commit all your forces to going up against a better armored force in a full frontal assault? Especially when you have about 100m open ground to cover. Crown him General. I’ve never been in the military but even I know no good can come of that, unless good is getting your side annihilated. Fake with the frontal assault, let them move forward, then spring on them from the flanks. Or start on the flanks, get them to commit troops to cover that then assault the freshly weaken areas. Disclaimer: I’ve never been in the military but did play army growing up and we also used to take the mini-van with the dual sunroofs out at night to go water ballooning people. You can’t keep driving by toss balloons then turn around and do it again. You need to eventually turn a corner, make a few more turns. When they are looking right where you went, you turn from across the street, flick the highbeams momentarily blinding them so with any lucky, they don’t see the initial 4-6 balloons flying out of the mini-van. Not that we ever did that. Ever.
Then there is gladiator parts 2 and 3 coming out. One of them is going to be called Robin Hood with lots of violence, much more then I associate Robin Hood with. The other is about some dude who has to kill everyone to get to see his wife again. In the meantime they showed him with 2 chicks. Let’s see, 1 wife or 2 chicks for a night. Need I say more?
So for you movies goers, I’ll give you a great piece of advice: Here.