Over the last few weeks I’ve been struggling. Struggling with trying to get back into shape, struggling with having to now put down Bridgette which has caused me to rethink lots of other things. I’m struggling to find a house I like enough to buy, struggling to get stuff around here done as efficiently as I used to. It’s kind of like I’m in some sort of haze which is making me go at 90% while everything else is full speed ahead. Lately I find myself questioning everything, things I used to take for granted.
Having to put Bridgette down this coming Saturday has really thrown me for a loop. If the appointment wasn’t already scheduled, after tonight’s walk, I’d put her down sooner. I could actually see her ability to walk decline as the walk progressed tonight. She became a little slower, started scraping her back paw against the ground more and she started limping. It was sad, I cut the walk short, I couldn’t deal with it. On the other hand, the prednisone has made her act 2-3 years younger. She is playing more around the house at least in spurts, squeaking her toys more then normal, flipping them around and chasing after them when she launches one across the room. It brings a smile to my face to watch her. It’s going to be weird not owning a dog after Saturday, or at least not having one around. Over the last 12 and a half years, I figure I’ve walked my dogs over 5,000 miles. That is a lot of time to spend with your dog. That seems to be the one thing I’m not questioning is having my dogs. I never really though about the day I’d have to stick them down. I don’t think many people get a dog with that end point in mind. Hey lets get a puppy, get really attached to it, spend all this time with it, have it amuse me for a 10+ years then put it down. I bet if they thought about how much sticking your dog down sucks, there would be less pet owners. I’m going to enjoy the last few days with her, gently playing tug of war with her, snuggling with her before we go to bed and petting her often. While I’m doing that, hopefully an answer or two will come to me as well.